I'm not one to do much by the social norm, I guess... but I do have strong opinions, and beliefs. I admit upfront, I'm not the most responsible person in the world, and I've made a TON of mistakes in my life. That said, there are some things even I don't understand.
Recently, multiple times, the issue of unwed parents has come up in my life. I'm the product of a situation where marriage wasn't even a thought in the back of anyone's mind, even though I was lucky enough to be brought into a family with parents who were married many years before I was born, and are still married.
Before I begin, I guess I should define "unwed" in MY terms, since they don't match that of most people. To me, it means "any couple who lack a life long commitment to each other, and who have not proven they have a long term sustainable relationship of several years, regardless of desire or ability to go through the actual ceremony of getting married." Once you've gotten married, whether you've known each other for 1 day or 100 years, you are of course then "wed"
I am of the belief that a man and a woman should be married (or something constituting marriage) before a child is brought into the picture. There are a million reasons for this. I'm sure I don't need to list them to have you understand what they are, or that they do, in fact, exist.
Sure, it's more common for children to be born to unwed parents than it is for them to be born to married ones, but that doesn't make it right.
I believe there are two sides to this issue. The side of the pregnant woman, and the side of the man who got her pregnant.
For the woman who has to carry this child for 9 months unless she decides to abort the pregnancy, there's a lot going on. It's hard to hide a baby for much more than 4 months. It's inevitable that people are going to find out about the pregnancy. You're basically a living breathing statistic, and an example of what everyone advises their children NOT to do. Women develop an attachment to their child, and can hopefully have a happy healthy pregnancy, even though it's not the MOST ideal of situations. Hopefully they've picked a man who will stick by their side, and share the responsibilities of the situation with them...
For the man, he should be supportive, and take care of the situation that's been created, but he should also be ashamed that he wasn't smart enough to wear a condom and assure his partner was taking birth control correctly. He should not be overjoyed. It's not something to make public or to be proud of.
What are the rest of us supposed to say? "Congratulations for bringing a child into this world who won't have a stable family, and a comfortable life because you couldn't wear a condom"? You don't congratulate someone for screwing up... (well, I know someone who does, but it's really patronizing, and obnoxious and it comes with a really bad feeling... but that's another blog).
If, as a man, you're THRILLED about the idea of your girlfriend being pregnant (instead of petrified and ashamed as you probably should be) then maybe it's time to put a ring on her finger and send her on her way to find a white dress with her mom and sister.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage. It's written that way in the rhyme for a reason.
I have the hardest time understanding why it can't happen that way.
No, you don't need to be married to have sex... should you be? Yes... because you never know when the sperm is gonna find that egg and change your life.
I have done what I can to not have a baby before I'm married, and still enjoy my relationship with the man I've got in my life right now. So far, I've been tremendously successful. I don't understand why it's so hard for everyone else.
I think I've vented enough.
Goodnite.
